Friendships

As I prepare for my wedding in June, I have come to realize, I don't have any really good friends. I have friends, yes. I just don't have a single friend that I would want to stand up for me in the wedding. I have had many wonderful friendships in my lifetime. And I wouldn't change those memories (the good ones) for anything.

Most of my friendships have ended abruptly for no reason that I can, after many hours of analyzing, come up with...and still to this day have no idea. It's been several years now since I have had a friend that I could confide anything in. It has been so long that I don't even think that I could have any true best friends again. I don't think I have enough trust or faith in anyone to be able to achieve that again. I've been hurt too many times by "girlfriends" to let myself get too close.

I guess if you get technical, my fiance is all I need or really want. He is my best friend. I just wish he liked to go shopping ;)

It is strange how often a heart must be broken before the years can make it wise.

*The one person I wanted to be in my wedding (MY bestman) will not even be attending the wedding as his girlfriend has an intense hatred for myself and my fiance, has forbidden him to go. 

PCOS Awareness Tattoos

I got this last September for PCOS Awareness month. Teal is the color of the ribbon for PCOS. It's on my left forearm.
It represents the hope my fiance and I have for our future. The ease we hope to have when we begin trying to have a family. The hope I have for a cure for PCOS one day. The hope that I can one day lead a semi normal life and not feel so burdened by my disease.



                                                                                                                                                                    


I am planning my next tattoo for this March. I have decided on this design. However, where the light blue is I think I might get it in a lighter teal and the darker blue a darker teal. I have been in love with this design since I was in middle school. I even made a promise with my then best friend that one day we would get this matching tattoo. Even though we aren't bff now, I still consider her a dear friend as she was a major part of my childhood life. And this tattoo will represent my youth meeting my adolescents.

Denied.

I applied for insurance a couple weeks ago. This insurance, called the Healthy Indiana Plan (HIP) is basically a free insurance. There is a monthly fee, but it is nominal. You have to meet the income guidelines for it, just like medicaid. Well today, I get home from work and check the mail like usual, I got a letter from the DFC and so seeing that, I thought it was going to be an acceptance letter. Nope a big, fat denial letter. I called last week and set up an appt with my GYN to have my IUD removed. Guess I'm going to have to call and cancel that appt now. Ugh. I was really really hoping to be able to start ttc before the wedding since the PCOS is going to be a barrier.

American insurance companies suck. Hmm wonder why so many of us are in such horrible health.

First Blog Post! About me!

This is my first blog, so let me start out with telling you about me. I am 25 years old, I'm engaged to a wonderful man, we are getting married on June 6, 2012. I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). If you're here, I assume that you know what PCOS is. However if you do not know what it is I will give you a brief explanation that I have taken from WebMD.
PCOS is a problem in which a woman's hormones are out of balance. It can cause problems with monthly cycles and cause difficulties getting pregnant. Untreated PCOS can lead to serious medical problems including diabetes and heart disease.
PCOS has been a very big part of my life. I was diagnosed when I was 17, in a brutal way. I had my exam and the doctor bluntly said "You have PCOS, you're not likely going to ever have children. At the time of my diagnosis, I wanted more than anything to have a big loving family one day, so you can imagine the pain of that blow.
I have at least 90% of the symptoms of PCOS. The primary symptoms I have struggled with the most are the facial hair and the weight loss problems. I am slowly working on losing the weight, which I now have to take Metformin every night to regulate my insulin, without it I am completely unable to lose weight. It wouldn't matter if I was eating the minimum calories and exercising like crazy, I would gain weight vs lose it. As for the facial hair, it has killed me emotionally since I was 13 years old. You can't name a way of removal that I haven't tried at some point. I have however had five appointments with my wonderful dermatologist Dr. Deborah Armstrong for laser hair removal. It has worked wonders for me! And while I still have to shave daily, the hair is no where near as bad as it was a year ago! I am so happy that I was able to work up the courage to get help with it!

Off the PCOS topic. Some other things I may post about is, my furbaby Cheese E Poof, she is a cat and is 12 years old. I love to read and game (video games, board games, and Magic: the Gathering) my family and friends are the most important things in my life, I don't know what I would do with out my incredible support system.