Officially TTC!!!

I went for my pap yesterday and as I was answering questions for the nurse she asked me if I wanted to have my IUD removed during the pap. I was completely shocked! I was told on the phone that I had to wait until after my pap was done and make another appointment to have it removed. So I said yes and have been super happy about it since! Contrary from what I have been told several times by various people it didn't hurt anywhere near as bad as it did getting put in. I had a tiny cramp that lasted a whole second.
So now my husband and I are starting our journey on trying to conceive our precious baby. So if you're reading keep a prayer in your heart for me and I will continue a prayer for all others ttc!

Mixture of thoughts.

Tomorrow is my 26th birthday. While I feel fine with aging, I am saddened by the thought that I don't really have anything to show for it. I have my husband, but that's it. I don't have any children, I don't have a college degree...at this point I don't see myself ever having one. I don't have any great hobbies, I mean I love to take pictures, but I'm limited to my lil point and shoot. Even still, I'm not great at photography, I'm okay with it but I couldn't ever make a career out of it. I can't do anything else. I have no original ideas, can't write, draw, build, knit, or do anything else crafty.
I'm gonna be 26 and I literally feel physically like I am a 70 year old woman. I have so much pain in my body, I don't know if it's anything to do with the PCOS or not. I would love to find out, but all the doctors think that I just need to lose weight. Well, no matter how much I lose, because I have lost quite a bit, the pain does not go away. Maybe if I lost 100 lbs but what am I supposed to do in the mean time? Suffer?? I can't exercise because of how much pain I am in all the time. My feet, more specifically my left foot (one I have sprained three times in my lifetime) nearly always hurts. I have been to a podiatrist and all he told me was that I had high arches and that wearing custom orthotics would help, alas they did not. It felt as though I had a rubber ball under my foot. Ugh.
I just needed to write out my thoughts because I'm tired of going over them in my head constantly. Hopefully it will help.

Finally.

I have now been with my employer for over a year, which means I qualify for the insurance.  While it's not great insurance it does pay 100% of any preventative care and 100% of the removal of my IUD so I can FINALLY start trying for a baby. I have my first appointment for an exam on July 17th and them from there I schedule the IUD removal. Then when everyone and I do mean everyone asks when we are going to have a baby I can at least say we are working on it. Since the wedding, almost daily someone asks. Even still, I will have to deal with the fact that I have PCOS and it's a great possibility that it could take years before we get pregnant. I don't know if I can handle that...I might go crazy and feel like a totally useless woman. So if you're reading this blog, please keep us in your prayers and I will keep in mine that any woman suffering from infertility gets her miracle.

I'm married!!!

♥

I got married on June 6 to the most wonderful man! I couldn't be happier! The day was just beautiful with perfect weather for an outdoor wedding. We got married at the Brown County State Park in Indiana, and my husbands best friend was ordained to preform the ceremony. 

♥

We then proceeded to have our honeymoon at the Indianapolis Zoo, Indiana Museum of Art, and going to see MIB 3 at AMC Theaters. How sweet is my new husband? Well during all our time off for our wedding (ten days) we are going out to dinner instead of myself cooking dinner every night. I know it doesn't seem like a big deal but it is a nice break. 

 ♥

Garnier Fructis TripleNutrition

As a member of BzzAgent, I get to try (for free) new products and review them! With this product, I just wanted to let you all know how much I love this new shampoo and conditioner from Garnier Fructis! I have at least five people comment everyday how much they love my hair since I started using this. Never before have I had so many comments about how beautiful it was!

I am one hundred percent happy with this product! My hair no longer feels dry and frizzy, but moisturized and sleek! It smells so wonderful and my hair throughout the day continues to smell just as good as it did when I stepped out of the shower! This is one product that I highly recommend!

Ramble ramble ramble

I just feel like complaining today...so I am. My Dr is a complete idiot. She doesn't understand PCOS at all. She doesn't think that taking Metformin does anything for weight loss. She thinks the reason I lose weight while taking it is because I am eating proper and exercising...not that the Metformin is regulating my insulin. I had a visit with her yesterday and she was practically yelling at me because I haven't been keeping track of everything I eat and all the exercising I do. I'm not going to lie, yes sometimes I do overeat. When I get stressed and I just want to scream I'll just have some extra food. But I don't do it ALL the time. The way she sits there and looks at me and talks to me she acts like all I ever do is eat everything in front of me...yet she want's to do nothing to help me with the muscular pain that I have always had...she thinks flexeril l is a narcotic! I dunno...I just wish I could magically get insurance so that I could go to a doctor that actually cares for their patient.

L.H.S. and Liver functioning

Today, I had another appointment for the laser hair removal. It usually does not hurt! It will usually feel like like a slight stinging through the first round and the second round will feel like a rubber band snapping. Today was completely different! That first round  felt like I was getting stung by huge bees, thankfully she was able to go though it a lot quicker today than she was before because it covers a larger area. My appointment was an hour and a half ago and my face still feels a little tender...which is very surprising usually that goes away quickly. However it's all for the best, I will happily sit through the fifteen minutes of pain to get rid of this facial hair than have to continue with the pain I have endured since middle school of shaving every single day. I was telling the doctor that I would be happy just to be able to get it to where I don't have to shave every single day. My ultimate goal is of course to get it to where I don't have to shave period, but I know that's not logical being a cyster...one can dream can't she? 


A few weeks ago I had a doctors appointment to check on a tattoo that I thought was infected which it was not, and she wanted to do a blood test and check on my liver and  a couple other things. My liver levels (ALT I think) were elevated. So we scheduled an appointment for a month from then which will be on the May 2 to check them again. I was told not to take any tylenol, herbal supplements, or any alcohol. Now, I regularly take tylenol for my headaches and body aches, because ibuprofen doesn't do too great a job. Ibuprofen can be bad for the stomach and I already have stomach problems. I had an ulcer when I was in grade school, and have always had bad indigestion and acid reflux. However with the tylenol, it's not like I take it several times a day every day. I take it a couple times a day a couple times a week. I do not OD on it, but she was making out that I was. As far a alcohol goes, I have had three bottles of flavored vodka in my freezer since Christmas and all three have more than half the fluid left. When I do have any of it I would put  a shot of it in the drink I was drinking. But now that I was told that I am not allowed to drink, I can't stop thinking about drinking...I don't want to get drunk! I just want A single drink! A pina colada or a kaluah something really good, and just one. 

New babies & the search for a perfect dress

1st
There are now three new babies in my life. One is my cousins new baby, born on Feb 28 and the other two (twins) were born to my future sister in law. They are all so adorable! I very nearly tried to leave the hospital with one of the twins lol (just kidding) I would never do something like that, no matter how tempted I am. I'm still quite upset that I was denied insurance and therefore have to wait a longer amount of time before I can have my IUD removed. I simply do not have the $500 to have the exam and the removal. I am at the point where I want a baby, so badly....and there is just nothing that I can do about it.
2nd
All of this is going on while I continue to plan my wedding. Right now, I am in search of a dress. I have purchased three and all three have had to be returned. For one thing or another. The first didn't fit...at all, the second was ridiculously thin and could see EVERYTHING! It also had a small padded circle over the nipple area that was completely visible. The third, I really liked but it was just too tight in the breasts and kind of looked stupid. It would be fine for thinner ladies but not for us heavy sets. So, I am just lost as to what I should do. I have looked all over online and just can't find anything I like. I really don't want to purchase any more dresses online as I can't try it on before I buy it. So now I have to look for patterns to have a dress made, because I see no other options. 
3rd
I had my fifth appointment with my dermatologist for laser hair removal last week, and I believe that it has gotten to the point where I don't have to shave every day, but every other day. However, I still do as a precaution...at least in my tougher areas. But I will take that over having to shave daily and still get five o clock shadow! I have one more appointment before the wedding. I would have another shortly before, but decided against that as I break out and it gets real sensitive for at least a week. I don't know...maybe I will like a month prior. Maybe I'll see about just the tougher areas. I find out at my next appointment the cost of just that spot.

Bzzagent

I am a member of a GREAT website called Bzzagent! They send you products (free) for you to try and then you discuss the product with friends/family to help spread the word about the product. I primarily have had products in cosmetics.
So, I recently got an invite for a great new product called Garnier Miracle Skin Perfect B.B. Cream. This is a tinted moisturizer :)
I am very excited to be trying it out! I will post a follow up after I have used it for a week to let everyone know how it goes!

http://img.bzzagent.com/image/garnierBBcream.jpg

Friendships

As I prepare for my wedding in June, I have come to realize, I don't have any really good friends. I have friends, yes. I just don't have a single friend that I would want to stand up for me in the wedding. I have had many wonderful friendships in my lifetime. And I wouldn't change those memories (the good ones) for anything.

Most of my friendships have ended abruptly for no reason that I can, after many hours of analyzing, come up with...and still to this day have no idea. It's been several years now since I have had a friend that I could confide anything in. It has been so long that I don't even think that I could have any true best friends again. I don't think I have enough trust or faith in anyone to be able to achieve that again. I've been hurt too many times by "girlfriends" to let myself get too close.

I guess if you get technical, my fiance is all I need or really want. He is my best friend. I just wish he liked to go shopping ;)

It is strange how often a heart must be broken before the years can make it wise.

*The one person I wanted to be in my wedding (MY bestman) will not even be attending the wedding as his girlfriend has an intense hatred for myself and my fiance, has forbidden him to go. 

PCOS Awareness Tattoos

I got this last September for PCOS Awareness month. Teal is the color of the ribbon for PCOS. It's on my left forearm.
It represents the hope my fiance and I have for our future. The ease we hope to have when we begin trying to have a family. The hope I have for a cure for PCOS one day. The hope that I can one day lead a semi normal life and not feel so burdened by my disease.



                                                                                                                                                                    


I am planning my next tattoo for this March. I have decided on this design. However, where the light blue is I think I might get it in a lighter teal and the darker blue a darker teal. I have been in love with this design since I was in middle school. I even made a promise with my then best friend that one day we would get this matching tattoo. Even though we aren't bff now, I still consider her a dear friend as she was a major part of my childhood life. And this tattoo will represent my youth meeting my adolescents.

Denied.

I applied for insurance a couple weeks ago. This insurance, called the Healthy Indiana Plan (HIP) is basically a free insurance. There is a monthly fee, but it is nominal. You have to meet the income guidelines for it, just like medicaid. Well today, I get home from work and check the mail like usual, I got a letter from the DFC and so seeing that, I thought it was going to be an acceptance letter. Nope a big, fat denial letter. I called last week and set up an appt with my GYN to have my IUD removed. Guess I'm going to have to call and cancel that appt now. Ugh. I was really really hoping to be able to start ttc before the wedding since the PCOS is going to be a barrier.

American insurance companies suck. Hmm wonder why so many of us are in such horrible health.

First Blog Post! About me!

This is my first blog, so let me start out with telling you about me. I am 25 years old, I'm engaged to a wonderful man, we are getting married on June 6, 2012. I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). If you're here, I assume that you know what PCOS is. However if you do not know what it is I will give you a brief explanation that I have taken from WebMD.
PCOS is a problem in which a woman's hormones are out of balance. It can cause problems with monthly cycles and cause difficulties getting pregnant. Untreated PCOS can lead to serious medical problems including diabetes and heart disease.
PCOS has been a very big part of my life. I was diagnosed when I was 17, in a brutal way. I had my exam and the doctor bluntly said "You have PCOS, you're not likely going to ever have children. At the time of my diagnosis, I wanted more than anything to have a big loving family one day, so you can imagine the pain of that blow.
I have at least 90% of the symptoms of PCOS. The primary symptoms I have struggled with the most are the facial hair and the weight loss problems. I am slowly working on losing the weight, which I now have to take Metformin every night to regulate my insulin, without it I am completely unable to lose weight. It wouldn't matter if I was eating the minimum calories and exercising like crazy, I would gain weight vs lose it. As for the facial hair, it has killed me emotionally since I was 13 years old. You can't name a way of removal that I haven't tried at some point. I have however had five appointments with my wonderful dermatologist Dr. Deborah Armstrong for laser hair removal. It has worked wonders for me! And while I still have to shave daily, the hair is no where near as bad as it was a year ago! I am so happy that I was able to work up the courage to get help with it!

Off the PCOS topic. Some other things I may post about is, my furbaby Cheese E Poof, she is a cat and is 12 years old. I love to read and game (video games, board games, and Magic: the Gathering) my family and friends are the most important things in my life, I don't know what I would do with out my incredible support system.